I just wrote a message to someone I admire. I'm ten years too late in discovering what I wanted to do for a living. But when I was living out my interests and starting to change my image, I was a little apprehensive. Not from an inner doubt did I slowly reveal this deep inner desire. Just how to go about making it a reality, a lifestyle is why it seemed to overwhelm me. There was a world out there that I fit in and jumping into it was all I wanted to do. But no one currently in my life would of followed me or help me get there. Maybe that's why it was so scary in a sense. If I cut my bangs like Bettie Page, get tattoos, piercings and go to car shows will it just take on a life of it's own. Could I sport the vintage hairstyles and clothing? Could I go as far as go-go dancer and pin up girl? How big is that world in the year 2000? There is an innocense of that 50's era that I have always wanted to be a part of, I have always respected and admired. Would that be relived in me? I wanted so much to make it real for me.
Deep down I feel I have missed out on me, even though I am pretty happy where I am. I just will always wonder.
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